Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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