my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This baby is an asshole
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
