I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
