once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
