Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
