No awkward lesbian experiences without me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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