why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
