I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
