And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
