She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
