At least make sure they are 18
Why
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
