Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
