12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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