You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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