The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
