felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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