i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
