Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize