as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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