take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
