i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize