the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
either way he was missing a nipple.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
