ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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