i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
