Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
