Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
