drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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