I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
