I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
