i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
