Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize