Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
