I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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