I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
