I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
