Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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