Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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