your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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