My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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