PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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