Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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