tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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