Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just want nice things and good sex
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
