I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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