I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
