If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I skipped work to stalk him.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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