I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
