We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
