do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
