someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
