So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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