My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
