Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
