This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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