Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
