Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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