i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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