I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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