At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
