He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
