AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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