If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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