the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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