As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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