Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
