would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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