Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
