Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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