we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
