he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
